MONSTERVISION SET VISIT
December 1998
I emailed Joe Bob Briggs and asked if the High Sheriffs at TNT allow folks to visit the set during "MonsterVision" tapings. And thanks to Joe Bob, within a few weeks, I got to spend the day as a fly-on-the-wall of his Dallas studio.
Meeting Joe Bob Briggs really means meeting John Bloom. I didn't grasp the difference before. Out of character, John is focused, bright, quiet, and might even seem shy. That's whose hand I shook.
He was very friendly. Remembered my email and even posed for a picture on the trailer set!
Personalities
Rusty the TNT Mail Girl
Ye gods! What talents! A red-headed Venus in black fishnet.
Ernie the cackling director dude
He's the guy you hear most on the show. Mostly because he stands closest to Joe Bob -- directing John to which camera he should be lookin' at. Nice fella. Scary ponytail. During the lunch break, it ate half my pasta.
The three camera ops
Bruce, Jay and the boom guy. Always quick with a dirty joke or finely crafted one-liner. And the boom-cam guy does a great Harry Caray, "Huh-Ehy!"
The sound guy
Gio is my hero, second to Joe Bob, of course. You see, he gets to mic Rusty (see first item). To watch him gingerly try and attach a tiny microphone somewhere on her ample bosom, without being slapped is a hoot. Once, during a particularly animated Mail Girl segment, Rusty crossed her arms suddenly and rustled the mic -- forcing the scene to be reshot. Cue camera op wisecrack: "There's thunder in the valley!"
The prop lady
She was new from what I understand. I'm a big fan, though. She had a lot of groovy stuff for the set. Even a real-deal Gremlin (on loan from a collector who'd sell the critter for about $2,000.) Oh, and one of her little Joe's Apartment roaches crawled into my pocket. Pesky bugger.
Joe Bob Sat Here
Living room set
Joe Bob's throne. The big, leather Lazy Boy with optional steer-horn attachment. You'd think the sucker'd be comfortable as all get out. Not so. Years of Briggs buttocks has reduced the cushion's effectiveness greatly. Like sitting on a board. But, I'm considering adding some horns to MY Lazy Boy. That's S-T-Y-L-E.
Trailer set
Ah, the folding chair. I didn't expect comfort, but was surprised. The crew was resetting for another movie when I decided to sneak over and try it out -- the lights had been turned low, and I figured no one was looking. I sat down. Reached over and picked up Joe Bob's beer coozie (a yellow foam holder that's split with age, surrounded by a plastic TNT cup that's been cut to form the outside of the coozie). "Yep. This is where he sits, alright," I thought. Started to get up and a voice from the control room boomed over the studio speaker system: "PLEASE STAY IN THE CHAIR!" Rattled. I sat back down. The spots come on and I'm Joe Bob's lighting standin. Shazam!
Kitchen set
The booth seats are the best, by far! Very comfortable. Excellent hiney support. No wonder Joe Bob often chooses this spot for "Last Call."
Highlights
When we get there. John's assistant Tanja takes us into the studio. The first thing I see is a doll floating in a giant pickle jar. "Yep, this must be the place," I think. Joe Bob is standing on the trailer set. His assistant whispers to us, like we're on a deer hunt, "There he is."
John's reading through a fan letter, preparing for another Mail Girl segment. The letter's author basically tells Joe Bob what a sorry guy he is, and wonders why TNT puts him on the air. John starts to ask about an expletive in the first sentence. The director cuts him off, saying, "You can say damn, John. Just not goddamn." John replies, grinning, "It says ... FUCKING ... " Everyone laughs.
Watching John give Rusty the Mail Girl direction during the read-through. She asks, "What should I do here?" He pauses for a moment, looking very thoughtful, then says, "Flirty. Just be flirty."
During the Joe's Apartment, Joe Bob had this comment about a "cat to the face." It didn't get much of a response from the crew, and when a technical glitch demanded another take, he upped the ante: "Boy! Gotta love that pussy to the face!" The whole crew was rolling. They didn't reshoot it, and it aired.
The funniest moment of the day had to be the Mail Girl segment for Joe's Apartment. They gave Rusty a can of bug spray to use, "Just act like you're spraying it, we'll add the sound in post." She comes out -- spray, spray, spray. (Little clouds of insect death hang in the air.) They do the letters. At the end of the bit, Joe Bob flicks a plastic roach Rusty's way ... she freaks (for real) and practically sprays him square in the face.
That was just as I decided to leave for the day, so I followed them out of the studio -- all along the way Rusty apologized profusely, "I'm so sorry! Did I get you?! Are you OK?! Oh my god! I killed the star!"
Special thanks to John, Tanja and all the friendly crew folks for an entertaining day.
Columnist's note
This recap predates CineSchlock-O-Rama by a couple years. It is featured as Joe Bob Briggs and "MonsterVision" were so formative of my interest in writing about B-movies.