Paris Hilton thinks I’m hot. She said so. Honest. That’s how she signed off her final House of Wax podcast, anyway. "You’re sexy. Bye!" Naturally, I assumed she was speaking to yours truly seeing how she baby-talked my ear off for 40 whole minutes during the last week. Yep, there I was, a bonafide member of the glamouratti — a pea in Paris’ pod posse. Here’s what I learned:
Hilton hearts …
– House of Wax: "This movie is so good and I’m so happy to be in it."
– Ordering mac and cheese at fancy restaurants.
– Contemplating superpowers such as flight or, gasp, invisibility!
– Bling! "I have 2 million dollars of diamonds on. They told me to say that, but it’s true."
– Soft-focus quizmeisters: "I love Barbara Walters. She’s never looked more beautiful. So did Star Jones. … I love Diane Sawyer. She’s so beautiful and sweet and nice."
– Technology: "I have an iPod. I have a lot of iPods. I love iPods. They’re hot."
– Imagining an actual career: "I love animals, so I’d be a veterinarian. Or a school teacher for little kids, because I love kids."
Stuff she’s not so hot on …
– Jolly Rancher-flinging Vancouverans.
– Letterman’s badgering: "Some things in life you don’t want the whole world to know about."
– Her wax figure at Madame Tussauds. (Icky hair!)
– Over-exuberant fans: "Tell them to stop screaming. It’s hurting my ears."
– Not having her bagel delivered in a timely fashion.
– Being asked to introduce 50 Cent’s Just a Little Bit video: "Why? I hate that song. … Can I change it? What about pop music? Britney Spears, I like. [Offered My Prerogative.] That sucked, though. Forget it, I don’t even give a shit."
Oh, wait, this is supposed to be about a certain remake, right? Here goes …
– Tribeca Film Fest premiere: "Everyone in New York City really loved it. Everyone was clapping and screaming. I’ve never seen a movie get such a reaction. … It’s really scary and people are going to like it."
– Her character: "We’re both the same age, basically. We’re both sweet, nice girls. We’re just from different towns."
– Having a stick jammed through her brainpan: "It’s one of the coolest death scenes I’ve ever seen. It was an awesome way to die."
– Ms. Hilton’s final pod pitch: "By the time you hear this, House of Wax will already be open. So, I hope you’ve already seen it or you’re going to, because you’re going to love it. Make sure to bring a date there, or a group of friends, and you’ll have a fun time."
Guess that about does it. Counted 7 "Hot!" declarations compared to 9 by-name House of Wax plugs. Guess that’s equal time according to Paris? Although costar, frequent podcast horner-inner and Hilton galpal-in-training Elisha Cuthbert earnestly wants "Sexual" and/or "Wizard" to be the new "it" identifier.
Whatever you say, Ms. Bauer …
