Features

Reader Feedback 2002

More letters on Page 2

Thanks, dawg

David Allen writes: I read your review of Dog Soldiers and was VERY VERY PLEASED! I am the producer of the film; I also completely financed it myself. You did a great review and I just wanted to thank you! Btw, did you know that the line from Spoon that you quoted, about "I hope I give you the shits" was written by me? I just felt that if you KNOW you are about to be eaten, shouldn’t you WANT to give the werewolf diarrhea as one last act of defiance?!? heehee Thanks again.

Noel responds: You have every reason to be proud on all counts. Especially that line of particularly inspired dialogue. Great fun all around. I’m pleased to tell everyone I can about the movie. In fact, let me take this opportunity to hound you about a Dog Soldiers sequel. Woof! Woof! Let’s have it!

 

Give us a Hand

David writes: I have looked all over for The Hand for so long, that I was starting to think it was never really a movie to begin with. Love the reviews, and love genre. Thanks for doing this for those of us without the time or smarts.

Noel responds: I’m surprised The Hand isn’t more famous — or even infamous. Rewatching it the other day made me long for Ollie Stone to get back to his horror roots. Maybe make a giant critter flick or two. Thanks for taking time to share a few kind words.

 

Dog gone Region 2

Glen writes: Hey, nice Dog Soldiers review. I love that film. I saw that and Ginger Snaps in the same room about 6 months apart. For once, it ruled to be English. You mentioned in the review that it was a shame the director didn’t get offered a commentary track. This isn’t true. He was offered it. And so was the cast. And they accepted and it’s on the R2 disc and for some unknown reason it isn’t on the R1 disc. You’re press – start some shit!

Noel responds: I was alluding to the salivatory R2 content when I lamented the lack of commentary by Neil Marshall and pals. Clearly, Artisan sought to put as much of an American slant on its marketing of the film as it could. That’s an unfortunate reality of the video distribution biz. It’s my hope, that as the flick gains recognition by stateside fans, it’ll prove financially fruitful to revisit the film with a more expansive special edition. At least Artisan didn’t COMPLETELY drop the ball as it did in the case of Ginger Snaps. Fortunately, that error was righted by our Canadian brothers. Let’s hope the same holds true for Dog Soldiers. Oh, and to this East Texas son, the English most assuredly rule. It’s them Yankees I’ve got my eye on.

 

Full Moon puppetry

Bobby writes: Hello, I saw that you knew of some fullmoon dvd releases. You didn’t happen to ask them about the puppet master series that has been in limbo for 3 or 4 years now. If you know anything about the series can you please let me know. Thanks I appreciate it.

Noel responds: Last I heard, the eighth flick was still going to be Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys for the Sci Fi Channel. However, that’s been in the hopper for ages and it didn’t come up during my Chiller chat with the Full Moon folks. But they did underscore their commitment to produce new films in 2003. Just speculating, it seems more than probable that they’ll also work to keep their flagship franchise afloat. That is if the right financial circumstances materialize. To that end, it might be a dandy notion for Puppet Master fans to poke the Sci Fi Channel honchos with a stick. They’ll likely welcome a diversion from Battlestar Galactica fans giving them the stink eye.

 

Chiller Theatre Expo

Sue writes: I just recently viewed your web site and it is fantastic. My husband and friends were also at the Expo. This was our very first Expo, so you can imagine how thrilled we were. I had heard that it was unusally crowded, but somehow we put that past us and truly unjoyed everything!!! It was thrilling all those celebrities. Like my childhood coming back to life. I was truly disappointed when Jonathan Harris had to cancel. But now we know why. He was truly my favorite of all time. And he is missed. I enjoyed your photos and was happy to be able to take many of my own. We also plan on attending Chiller in April.  I look forward to it. I would like to hear back from you and we could compare more Chiller notes!

Noel responds: Ah ha! Already planning your next Chiller outing, eh? Proves just how habit forming the show is! My first trip was to the spring expo, and from what I hear, it’s traditionally smaller attendance wise. So maybe you’ll be able to navigate the place with a little more ease. Kevin Clement and his staff do an outstanding job with this thing. I’m sure they’ll work hard to address the show’s growing pains. Like you, I’m already looking forward to my NEXT pilgrimage. Glad you enjoyed the coverage! Response has been tremendous.

 

Cheaters: Best of Season One

Producer Bobby Goldstein writes: You did Cheaters right! Thanks. You now have immunity!

Noel responds: You’re doing the lord’s work, sir. Bring on the next DVD!

 

Thank you

Stuart writes: I just wanted to let you know that I love the site and say a big "THANK YOU" for all the hard work you do to bring me(us) the readers info on movies we might not ever know about otherwise! Also…I’d buy a few of your tee-shirts if the logo was on the Back!!! Just an idea!

Noel responds: That’s a terrific endorsement! As always, I’m pleased to be of service. Have a look at the store and see if the revised CineSchlocker Tee is in keeping with your excellent suggestion. Oh, and be certain to order an official CineSchlock-O-Rama THONG for that special lady friend in your life!

 

Slaughterhouse and the Art House

Jason writes: If my DVD collection is testament to anything it’s that for true film fanatics there’s more than enough room for both the Slaughterhouse and the Art House, and in fact if a few more "respectable critics (tm.)" learnt the stupid joys of Troma or axe weilding Santa movies or the schlocky greatness of the likes of Russ Meyer or Dario Argento or Stuart Gordon’s catalogue of films. CineSchlock-O-Rama at least gives me hope that there are others like me out there that can enjoy Martin Scorsese and Clive Barker with equal measure, so thanks for that. As for Most Wanted here’s three titles that I can’t wait to get on DVD, and should already be here if there was any real justice in the world:

Flesh + Blood: Probably my all time favourite Verhoeven film, with a cast that includes b-movie greats Rutger Hauer and Brion James, along with Jeniffer Jason Leigh, Bruno Kirby, Jack THompson, Susan Tyrell and Tom Burlinson this one has it all, sex, blood, violence, plague, dead babies, gratuitous lightning strikes. A classic deserving of the deluxe DVD treatment.

Class Of 1984: The film that started the b-movie trend of punk kids terrorizing fellow students and pushing their teachers over the edge into bloody acts of revenge, this is still the best of it’s sub genre, with great performances by the likes of Timothy Van Patten as the psychotic Stegman, the late, great Roddy McDowell as a teacher who can’t take it anymore and snaps in class and Perry King as the put upon teacher who ends up fighting back in predictably violent and bloody style. Not forgetting a great title track from Alice Cooper, plus which who wouldn’t like a film where Michael J. Fox gets himself stabbed for commencing a career playing ‘nice guys’.

Alone In The Dark: Jack Sholder of The Hidden fame delivered a great little under rated horror gem with this flick. I mean Jack Palance with a crossbow and a personality problem, Martin Landau as a pyromaniacal Preacher, A serial killer who has nosebleeds every time he kills called aptly enough "The Bleeder", and a fat child killer all escape whacky Donald Pleasence’s asylum to terrorize new doc Dwight Schultz and his family, whats not to like?

 

Noel responds: Phew! I’m speechless, buddy. Now there’s a rare occurrence. Couldn’t be in fuller agreement with every word!

 

Melted dreams

Greg writes: Love your reviews! I know you’re a busy man (too many classics, not enough time…), so I’ll keep this short and sweet. Is there any updated word on an Ice Cream Man release? My wife doesn’t believe half the things I tell her about the movie, and I refuse to buy VHS! Also, I want to expand my collection of CineSchlock — Troma seems to be a great studio to start. What specific movies/collections do you recommend? Keep up the great work!

Noel responds: Few things pain me more than the tragic fact that Clint Howard’s tutti-frutti classic ain’t whirling in my DVD player at this very moment. Unfortunately, it’s a rights issue, and some legal eagles who make way too much loot to care about my FEELINGS, have a strangle hold on the flick and several other drool-worthy titles from the late, great A-Pix Entertainment. Keep saying a little prayer, though, and remember, "Not every day is a happy, happy, happy day." As for my friends in Tromaville, there’s no better place to start than Terror Firmer and The Toxic Avenger (recently re-released in a deluxe "Tox Box" with two sequels and toons.)

 

Rrrrrrrrrrated R

Jeff writes: Hi. I love your reviews. I buy a DVD a week and split between Criterion Collection and Schlock (although I prefer the category "Others.") Since the Criterion labels are pretty expensive, I depend on your reviews to maintain a level of quality 😉 and stay within my budget with my Schlock collection. I just bought a copy of ROCK N ROLL FRANKENSTEIN and noticed there were two different versions of the DVD. One listed the movie with no extras; the other listed the movie as the "uncut" version and also contained a few extras, including a commentary track. They both sold for $14.99. Are there two printings of this DVD that you know of? Thought you might want to warn the other CineSchlockers. Thanks.

Noel responds: It warms my little black heart to encounter such a well-balanced moviephile as yourself. Someone who clearly grasps and gleefully embraces the fact that there’s more than enough room within our entertainment pantheon for both Citizen Kane AND Citizen Toxie. I may be bias, but I have a gut feeling that such enlightenment puts our ilk within a whisper of the next stage of human evolution. So, see you at the astral drive-in, buddy! As for R&R Frankenstein, yep, there are two versions. But I always, always review the Unrated version, so I can’t comment on the R-rated cut. Director Brian O’Hara tells me even HE hasn’t seen it, so beware. Distributors only offer MPAA-neutered versions of such flicks to appease a certain Draconian rental giant who won’t carry them otherwise. Let me know what you think of the movie. I’ll continue to do my best to avoid your spending that discretionary income in vain.

 

Under the Rainbow

Lambchop writes: Normally I support any movie with a cast full of midgets, but if this is the flick where Chase says, "look Streudel, the Hindenberg," then I really need this on dvd…..(for 20 years, I’ve used "look, the Hindenberg" to distract people: no one gets it or thinks it’s funny, but that’s never stopped me from continuing to think it’s hilarious…)

Noel responds: Hear, hear! More roles for the vertically challenged! Personally, if there’s a Chevy line I’m guilty of abusing to no end, it’d have to be the immortal "Big Ben! … Parliament!" traffic-circle gag from National Lampoon’s European Vacation. But, of course, I insist on pointing out landmarks of far less grandeur. So, you’re not alone in being gawked at like a jackass by friends and family.

 

Chomping for Chopping Mall

Ed writes: Hey, just wanted to drop a note saying that I love the site (as I love many sites who review the same type of "cult"/"schlock" films I enjoy). I like how you find the balance between writing a helpful review (as opposed to the millions of schlock haters out there whose reviews consist of "This movie sucked it wasnt scary at all!!!!") and over-analyzing and making every obvious joke … Anyway, I’m not just going to praise you, I’m going to comment on your Most Wanted list!

In regards to "Silent Night, Deadly Night" and its sequels, you’ve probably heard this before already, but I think Anchor Bay is releasing "Silent Night, Deadly Night 2" next year on DVD. I was a little mad that they got the rights to the sequel and not the original, but then I remembered the sequel has half the original spliced into it anyway. So yeah, just thought you’d like to know.

And now, the obligatory fanboy whine… where’s "Chopping Mall" on your list? I’ve been waiting for years for this to make an appearance in digital format. I read some time ago that a DVD commentary was recorded, but alas, no DVD was ever released (sure, JAPAN gets a limited edition DVD release, but even those are impossible to find anymore). Anchor Bay says they don’t have the rights, and I wrote New Concorde (who do have the rights) several times and they’ve never gotten back to me. We need to spearhead a movement or something… "Chopping Mall" is my favorite film (period) and has all anyone could ever want in a movie: killer robots, boobies, in-jokes, lasers, and explosions! I swear, one of these days I’m just going to take a loan from the bank, license it and release it myself. Can’t be THAT hard to license a film and press a DVD, right? Anyway, keep up the great work.

 

Noel responds: Oh, praise if you must! There’s always some other yahoo poised to remind me what a blathering bozo I’m more than capable of being. Your compliments are much appreciated, in fact, I’d like to send you a small token of thanks from my Gunnysack O’ Goodies (a.k.a. stuff studios send me that I’m weary of tripping over). Like you, I’m pre-salivating in anticipation of Anchor Bay’s SUMMER release of SNDN 2. Linnea Quigley is JUST as tasty in flashback form. And you’re right, the great Jim Wynorksi’s Chopping Mall is so ripe for Most Wanted induction that it almost goes without saying. Jimbo’s hauled off and recorded beer-enthused commentaries for lesser works, so I doubt he’d require any arm twisting, if he hasn’t already done one. Unfortunately, New Concorde’s less-than-speedy release schedule doesn’t quite match the hunger of its fan base. Enjoy your copy of the clown-rape sensation Vulgar courtesy of Lions Gate and CineSchlock-O-Rama.

 

Back in time

Clyde Lucas writes: As the Producer/Director of "Time Machine: The Journey Back" I want to thank you for your kind words about the Journey Back, Rod, Alan, Whit, Bob, Gene, Wah and David Duncan put their hearts and souls into the project. Something I will never forget and honor to have worked with them.

Noel responds: It’s you that deserves the thanks of every Time Machine fan! Your labor of love is a true treasure. If only the remake producers had really taken "The Journey Back" to heart. No doubt they’d have gotten a tighter grasp on what makes Pal’s picture so special! Personally, I was most mesmerized by the saga of the Time Machine prop’s resurrection and, of course, the charming epilogue. My thanks again to you and your entire team!

 

Ripper: Plot From Hell

Emma writes: I just saw Ripper: Letter From Hell last night and I didn’t get the ending at all. Can you please explain it to me? For Example … Why is Molly smiling when she chops her friend up in the propeller of the boat. Why does Molly appear to be rich following the execution of Professor Kane, but then wake up in a mental institution (I think). It really bugs me when I don’t understand a film, though I didn’t think it would be a film like this that would stump me.

Noel responds: Heaven help ANYONE who tries to wrap their noodle around that wriggling stream of red herrings! My answer to both your questions is that Molly’s a FRUITCAKE. And the rubber-room ending is so tacked on I’d swear it came from a different movie. I did like the gal who played her, A.J. Cook, who’s gone on to score a lead in the Final Destination sequel due next year. This time it’s a CAR WRECK as planes tumbling from the sky aren’t quite as entertaining as they were a couple years ago. Candyman Tony Todd will return to growl more stern warnings about the Grim Reaper.

 

24-hour fever

Paula writes: I really, really enjoyed your review about the 24 DVD, I’m a huge fan of the show –and Kiefer–. In my opinion this is the best show on TV ever and Kiefer Sutherland performance is fantastic. He deserves the Emmy, don’t you think so?

Noel responds: I knew the 24-O-Thon was a kooky idea, but the response from readers like yourself have made it more than worthwhile! I’m really, really tickled you enjoyed the piece. Never fear, Kiefer has that Golden Globe to lessen the sting of his Emmy loss. And the show DID win a WRITING award. Now that’s a stunner even to a fan such as myself. I’m glad Kiefer got the Golden Globe, but it’s a little tainted in that the foreign press seem to love shocking the world when it comes to their TV picks. Remember when comely Keri Russell won "Best Actress" for gazing at her shoes while yapping into a tape recorder and having gorgeous hair in "Felicity"!? (Had it been my vote she’d have won for her sprinkler frolicking in "Eight Days a Week.") Heck, I’d have to double check the attic, but I’m pretty sure even *I* won a Golden Globe awhile back. The point is that WE dig the show. That’s the real reward.

 

Achtung!

Georg writes: Read your great Al Adamson Story.You got a feedback from a reader asking about his film "Carnival Magic" — I have a original german videotape (PAL) of this film — it is released by "SK VIDEOFILM – SAUERLAND KUNSTOFFE GMBH." Running time is 70 minutes (PAL). Condition is near mint !! If you are interessted in the video please contact me. I enclosed a scan of the front cover !!

Noel responds: Always good to hear from readers from across the pond! But it’s fantastic to know Carnival Magic isn’t lost to the world. Even Al’s friend and frequent collaborator Sam Sherman wasn’t quite sure whatever happened with that one. I’ve forwarded your email to Phil who’d written me back in March to ask about the flick he’d crewed on but never saw. Glad you enjoyed my ode to Al Adamson. Now there’s a legend!

 

All outta bubblegum

JT writes: I read your review of They Live and was wondering if there was any news about a special edition released in the future.

Noel responds: Last I heard there was a special edition brewing, but it wasn’t for stateside distribution. Grrrr. Sooner or later, we’ll see it again. It’s among my all-time favorites, so stay tuned for the sounds of me squealing like a giddy school girl if there’s any rerelease news.

 

THEM! THEM! THEM!!!

Bob writes: Am I the only one who has not missed seeing Leonard Nimoy as one of theairmen/soldier in the telecommunications center after they put out theall-points bulletin? Naturally it’s an uncredited character. I cannotfind my VHS copy of "Them" to confirm the exact scene. But, as Iremember it he walks in and hands a message to a women center scene, andturns and walks away.

Noel responds: Yep, ol’ pointy-ears is in there alright. Check along about timecode 54:12 where he pulls that item off the wire from Brownsville that’s later stamped "STRANGE PHENOMENA / FLYING SAUCERS." He’s even got a wiseacre line about we Texans and our tall tales. You’ve got an eagle eye indeed!

Rob writes: I just wanted to send a little note to you about Them!!! Don’t know if you’ve ever noticed this, but James Cameron’sAliens is eerily similar to this flick. It’s a good bet that a young, impressionable Mr. Cameron saw this on tv late one evening. The plot is similar and even some shots are uncanny in their similarity. Check out the "hive" with all the eggs. Or maybe I am just crazy.

Noel responds: Ye gods! If your theory holds, it gives me the heebie-jeebies to imagine what some young, impressionable kiddo who sat through all three-and-a-half hours of TITANIC is going to unleash on an unsuspecting world 30 years from now. Just HOW do you expect me to sleep restfully with THAT cartwheeling in my brainpan.

 

Time crime

BMac writes: You basically ripped the The Time Machine remake to shreds. I dont really have a problem with that because I didnt think to highly of it either. However, you gave the ‘Recommended’ rating. I was just curious why you would recommend a movie that got low marks in the ‘Movie’ and ‘Replay’ categories. The audio and video received decent marks but four stars in those categories isnt saying a whole lot given the quality of recent dvds.

Noel responds: Shreds?! OK, I did call it a "CGI circle jerk." Let’s see THAT on a box cover! In spite of all my unsightly frothing at the mouth, it’s still an undeniably well-produced DVD and that’s why the overall rating eeks out a "Recommended." I make an honest attempt to divorce my opinion of the flick from the quality of the presentation, so hopefully, even those who disagree with me can take one and leave the other when deciding how to spend that hard-earned discretionary income. Also, as my "striptease" comparison suggests, there’s moments that dazzle, even if fleetingly so. For many, that’s plenty.

 

Memorable screams

Chaz writes: I just wanted to tell you that I loved your review of Empire of the Ants. Back in 1977, I was about 8 years old. My older sister took me to a doublefeature, of which one film was the stinky Jodie Foster flick "Nickelodeon"..At some point during the intermission, I had to go to the bathroom. Feelinglike I was old enough to go on my own, I headed for the restroom area in thetheater, which was a 4 screen quadriplex. I went, did my business, andexited the restroom area..I then headed back into what I THOUGHT was thescreen I was supposed to be in. When I entered the darkened theater, therewas action on the screen. I had assumed that they were playing previews. Iwas already a little put off by the fact that I couldn’t see my sister, butwhen I looked up at the screen it was right at the part where P. Shoop andJD Carson find the bloody clothing belonging to the old woman that I screamed"Mom!" and then they showed all the ants floating in air. I freaked out,and started screaming all the way back up the aisle and out the door. Icalmed down a little, looked up at the individual marquees, and figured outwhich one I was supposed to be in. As I started walking towards it, theusher grabs me and starts to tell me that I have to go back in and watch therest of the movie I was there to see. I started crying, and told her that mysister took me to the Jodie Foster movie, and that she was in there RIGHTNOW waiting for me..The usher started saying, but I saw you come out ofEmpire of the Ants…Anyway, my sister heard me screaming from within thetheater and came out to get me, end of story. Of course seeing the movie many years later, it was a hilarious crock…but, to an 8 year old, TERRIFYING! Again, I love your site, I’ve bookmarked it, and will no doubt continue to return to it, as I love schlocky movies…Many years of Famous Monsters magazine, Fangoria, Creature Features movie nights…lots of memories and experiences. Keep it up!

Noel responds: Fantastic story! When I was about that age, I saw Piranha on TV and was so throughly traumatized that I still catch myself fearing the little buggers are going to come up the shower drain to feast on my feet. Oh, I hate to remind you of that OTHER horror, but Tatum O’Neal was in Hollywood blowhard Peter Bogdanovich’s Nickelodeon. Too bad for Tatum folks still aren’t confusing the two. Thanks for bookmarking my corner of the web!

 

Three Days In Roswell

To be honest, I figured my travelogue and ode to Six Days In Roswell would be of very, very narrow appeal. Boy, was I wrong! CineSchlockers, of course, showed their usual enthusiasm, but the piece was literally DEVOURED when late-night radio icon Art Bell (and a personal hero of yours truly) featured it on his website. Also got lots of great mail, here’s a sampling:

Six Days producer Roger Nygard writes: That’s hilarious! I had a great time reading your report. Glad to see things haven’t changed much there. I love that you tracked down Norm and his Coachmen. Norm’s 15 minutes of fame starts now!

Six Days star Rich Kronfeld writes: Real cool! I hope you had a good time and I appreciate the pilgrimage you made in the honor of the film. What an honor to know that somebody went on a big trip like this in response in part to a movie I was in. Thank you!

Roswellien Mike writes: Just spent some time perusing through your pictures of Roswell during the recent festival — very nice job! Also, really got a kick out of the "comparison shots" correlating with the "Six Days" movie — what a hoot! Thanks for attending the festival, and hope you come back to visit soon!

Kevin writes: Well, I’m glad you had fun. … Your slide show was a good indication of how much fun you just had. Lots of wacky stuff some truth and some myth. … Make sure your protective head gear is in optimal operational condition cause as you know the government AND the aliens are after us !!! (That’s why we Canadians live so far North . . . it’s just too cold for them both.) They both want control over us so I’ve invented my own protective head gear. The tin foil works as a great heat insulator … confuses the hell outta the aliens and the government. [Note: Kevin included several bizarre photos of himself wearing a tin-foil chapeaux.]

 

Roswell!? Bah Humbug!

Joe writes: Ha! I live not that far from Roswell and the whole UFO thing is the best carny swindle since PT Barnum (I lived in Bridgeport, CT too the home of PT).

Noel responds: You invoke Barnum like that’s a BAD thing! From very early on, I’ve had a warm appreciation of what you call the "carny swindle," but I’d pefer to describe as "showmanship." Heck, my column shamelessly CELEBRATES so-called EXPLOITATION films. But you’re right, having spent my Three Days In Roswell, there’s no question there’s a collective twinkle in the eye of the townsfolk when it comes to UFOs, the alleged 1947 crash and all it has spawned. It’s a good-natured twinkle, though, and I’m fairly certain P.T. would’ve cooked up a saucer AND a freeze-dried spaceman or two by now. You can bet I’d gladly pay a nickel to see them!

 

Fan’s Feast

Joel writes: Hey, just would like to say how much I enjoyed your diary of the Blood Feast 2 shoot. I really appreciated the in-depth coverage. I live in New Orleans and I’m kicking myself that I didn’t drive across the Pontchartrain Causeway and somehow weasel my way into the production. I would like to see the finished product. I hope I get to see it aside from the home video release. I’m originally from Peoria, Illinois… I’ve read it’s where the original Blood Feast premiered. Coincidence? Work of Ishtar? (I really should’ve made that drive!) In any case, lf you know of any future showings in the New Orleans’ area let me know. Thanks again!

Noel responds: New Orleans AND Peoria?! Whoa, like, cosmic, dude. You’re exactly who I wrote that piece for! Well, folks LIKE you, and myself, who hold Lewis and Friedman’s gore epics so near and dear to our little black hearts. In fact, it’s been almost a year and I still very nearly wet myse