CineSchlocker fave Rutger Hauer is a London cop who sure don’t act like one. He’s on the beat in 2008, when once dire predictions of global warming have manifest with the polar caps melting, which makes it dern near impossible to get ANYWHERE without getting one’s socks wet. Mr. Hauer’s got bigger troubles, however, namely a 10-foot beastie who the producers SWEAR is no kin at all to either of the buggers in Alien or Predator. Regardless, this sucker skulks around London’s water-logged alleyways and nightclub toilets taste-testing the citizenry while Rutger, who’s in a perpetual sugar and caffeine-fueled tizzy, and his rookie sidekick (Neil Duncan) take pot shots at it with over-sized hand cannons. Breast actress Kim Cattrall (who was pushing 40 even then) plays Hauer’s squeeze who can’t seem to find her way out of the shower. She also figures big into the backstory where several years earlier Rutger’s partner got kilt by the same rat monster, demon, or whatever the heck it is, because the plot’s always better when there’s a grudge involved. Anyway, they called in a whole ‘nother director JUST to film the explosive, subterranean shootout and critter fry finale, so you KNOW they meant business. Eagle-eyed CineSchlockers will spot career weirdo Michael J. Pollard in a three nanosecond role as the town rat catcher. Four breasts. 12 corpses. Monster cam. Pigeon to the noggin. Quasi-Satanic chest carving. Gratuitous "Nights In White Satin" riffs. Mr. Duncan emotes, "That wasn’t a HIM! That was a f@#$ing IT!!! We’ve got to get BIGGER guns!!!"
