January 2, 2006
Back when all this foolishness started, I was simply an unabashed B-movie fan. Next thing I knew, thanks to DVD Talk honcho Geoff Kleinman, I was a fan with a column. Now, after much handwringing, I’ve decided to end CineSchlock-O-Rama — my five-year celebration of fringe cinema. But I remain and always will be a B-movie fan.
I used to tell folks I loved "bad movies." I’ve since realized that’s a flawed statement. No entertaining movie is truly bad. Production value. Acting. Special effects. Ultimately, none of that really matters. Is it entertaining? That’s the overriding test and why I find just as much joy in the rough hewn gems of a Herschell Gordon Lewis as I do the blistering brilliance of Hitchcock, Leone or Welles.
Maybe I’m just wired different, yet it’s how I feel, and followers of my column affirmed this strange affinity. You, the CineSchlockers, shared in and fanned my enthusiasm through the years. For that, I’m most grateful.
While yours truly may be saying "So long!" to schlock business, I’m leaving y’all in equally deranged hands — keep an eye peeled for an all-new genre column!!! DVD Stalk will feature a half-dozen of my most demented DVD Talk cohorts holding forth on all manner of horror and cinematic sin. I’m certain you’ll dig it. In fact, CineSchlockers who regularly receive my e-mail missives are already subscribed!
Who knows, maybe this schlockmeister may even join in now and then. For the moment, though, I think I’m just going to enjoy being a fellow CineSchlocker.
More than 550 reviews
It all started with Piranha. Chicken pecked my country-fried review into the DVD Talk forum as an ode to the world’s greatest living drive-in movie critic, Joe Bob Briggs. His gospel of blood, breasts and beasts would soon provide the inspiration for CineSchlock-O-Rama.
CineSchlock-O-Rama’s Most Wanted
31 flicks were snatched from VHS oblivion thanks to CineSchlocker vigilance! Yet I’m sad to say, 34 more remain on the lam, lost to the digital domain. Classicks such as Food of the Gods, Mirror Images II and a personal passion, Project: Metalbeast. (Kane "Jason Voorhees" Hodder won’t miss my quizzing him about that one!)
Discovering flicks and sharing "Ya gotta see this!" reviews with fellow fans is really a columnist’s greatest reward. Six Days in Roswell is a prime example. I became so enthralled with the docu-comedy, from the makers of Trekkies, that I headed off to Roswell myself.
Speaking of Roswell, I’d more typically try to help CineSchlockers feel like they were tagging along on geek treks to Comic-Con, Chiller or Fangoria. But my proudest moment was closer to home — The Texas Chainsaw Road Trip. (Or, wait, was it when I got to go Behind the Grue of Blood Feast 2!?!)
You’d ramble incoherently too if you subjected yourself to 24-O-Thon: Buns of Steel. While quite popular, my attempt to out Jack Bauer, um, Jack Bauer wasn’t without its lessons — like DON’T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!!!
– Carrie White’s telekinetic she-devils
– Plus a whole slew of Blair Witch parodies.
I’ve always been so struck by how nice folks in this business are. All told, however, there just isn’t another class act like Andy and Arlene Sidaris. Not only did they give me a great interview, Andy both wrote and phoned to thank me personally.
– Fan fave: Dog the Bounty Hunter
Best of the blog
In 2005, I embraced blogging and quick-take reviews in an attempt to squeeze schlock into my ever-dwindling free time. How better to spend said time than perusing Paris Hilton‘s podcasts? Her bons mots would soon spur my own schlockcasts, which some would argue were the ultimate death knell of the column. Dern you, Paris!