B-filmmakers have been jostling scale models of ships in swimming pools for decades now. But, today, some are getting with the digital revolution and relying less on fishing line and fog machines. About five years ago, a couple fellas out in Burbank started an independent outfit called U.F.O. as they reckoned there’s heaping piles of cash in feeding the worldwide demand for effects-driven action pictures. Escape Under Pressure (1999, 91 minutes) is one of those films created in part by their in-house team of Jolt-Cola crazed digital artists.
The movie: Back in 1454, a broad in a metal breast-plate buried what looked like a Franklin Mint statute of Olive Oil. On a present-day campus, a deceptively sexy professor (Larissa Miller) rattles on about the long-lost artifact and the Isle of Lesbos. After class, an amorous student invites her to travel to Greece with him, to see his homeland and presumably his loins. At first she passes, but then relents after getting in a fight with her workaholic hubby (Rob Lowe) who’s off building a dam someplace. He decides to surprise her in Greece, but stumbles into the middle of a greedy artifacts collector’s plot to steal that statue someone finally dug up. But the plan is WAY too complicated, as for some reason, it involves SINKING a ship, then sending frogmen in after Olive Oil — when there’s already a prissy mercenary (Harry Van Gorkum) on board with a bunch of goons who could just GRAB the dang thing. But if they did that, it’d be awful hard to explain the submarine battle and no reason for those groovy explosions and rushing-water effects. Marvel at how Rob’s character is somehow able to save the day by RUNNING AWAY while also enduring constant nagging from his whiney wife.
Notables: No breasts. 18 corpses. Deaf child in peril. Multiple explosions. Gratuitous slow mo. Spear-gun to the back. Two-fisted gun shooting.
Quotables: John thinks they should just give the thugs what they want, "Trust me. If the people of Greece were in this position, I’m sure they’d understand." He also thinks he can pilot a submarine, "I read an article on mini-subs in Popular Mechanics, how hard can it be?" Crowley is angry and English, "Bollocks! That Yank’s got more lives than a bloody Irishman!"
Time codes: John almost misses his ride (24:00). This must be why he stays on the road so much (42:15). Time-honored "drop the gun" stand off (1:01:28).
Final thought: Purty-boy Rob Lowe as an action hero? It’s even goofier than it sounds.