Reviews

Hard Hunted

Also see The Films of Andy Sidaris
Also see Interview: Andy Sidaris

Hard HuntedWhile it’s true EVERY Sidaris picture is special — at least to Andy and Arlene — a few such as this milk the fam’s winning formula so perfectly they’re bona fide classics. Where else than a Andy Sidaris flick would a scrawny Japanese villain get REPLACED by the tall, hansom son of 007 royalty (R.J. Moore) who also gets to canoodle with the previous fella’s smoldering sidekick (Carolyn Liu)!?! What screenwriter would have coded messages panted over Hawaiian airwaves via K-SXY by sultry siren — and barely undercover federal agent — Ava Cadell!?! Who’d stage a breathless surface to air shootout between twin-torpedo’d heroines and a heavily-armed GYROCOPTER that looks like the passionate product of a lost weekend between Airwolf, Blue Thunder and a Subaru!?! Same fella who dreams up a pair of bumbling assassins named Wiley and Coyote (Chu Chu Malave and Richard Cansino) then writes dialogue for them such as "WHEN WE ARE FINISHED WITH HER, SHE WILL BE SINGING THE SONG OF DEATH! AND LUCAS WILL APPLAUD HER FROM H-E-L-L!!!" Or has his leading lady (Dona Speir) brained into temporary amnesia, diddle a bad guy surfside by the light of a stunning sunset only to have her wake the next morning in a fury snarling, "We were never lovers! I FAKED THAT ORGASM!!!" Oh, Andy, your artistry knows no boundaries. CineSchlockers will wanna snag both this disc and Do or Die because each contain rare, candid location footage of the Sidaris team at work. There’s also a short reel in which a very nekkid Julie K. Smith demonstrates the importance of oral hygiene.

Notables: 14 breasts. 13 corpses. Stungun zapping. Exploding footware. Slow-mo bikini frolicking. Ol’ steal a dude’s chute and boot him out an airplane gag. Gratuitous shower scene. Coconut toast. Exploding "ACME" hovercraft.

Quotables: Mr. Moore’s flubbed line finds new life as the only word of its kind in the Sidaris filmography, "F@#&!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Edy welcomes home her hardworking beau, "Even James Bond takes time out for sex!"

Time codes: Unbridled lesbian tongue rasslin?! Well, almost (4:34). Ms. Brimhall belts out "Another Day in Paradise," the first of THREE ditties this picture (6:48). Behold CineSchlocker fave Al Leong and his amazing flying machine (22:00). "Sexpert" Dr. Ava Cadell’s cavernous cleavage (1:10:14). Donna finally struts her stuff (1:24:35).