William S. Burroughs: Commissioner of Sewers

CineSchlockers intrigued by Wild Bill’s readings on Criterion’s exquisite ode to Naked Lunch might consider picking up this odd compendium of spoken-word performances, experimental films and interview footage for another tantalizing glimpse at the Godfather of the Beats. Sequences of particular note are "Words of Advice to Young People," "The 10 Commandments Updated" and Gus […]

Willard (2003)

While miles shy of John Carpenter’s transcendent remake of The Thing From Another World, this enthusiastic update of the 1971 goober-meets-critter buddy flick didn’t grossly disappoint anywhere except the box office. After a dismal first test screening, cuts were made to earn a more marketable PG-13 rating and the film’s forboding, languid pace was quickened. […]

William Shatner’s Spplat Attack

Wanna see an 80-minute "documentary" about a Star Trek-themed paintball match? No!? Are you sure? Captain Kirk’s in it! And there’s paintball. That’s cool, right? No, of course not. There’s little doubt the 1,500 sum odd Trekkies who converged on Challenge Park Xtreme near Chicago to bean Bill Shatner had themselves a grand time, but […]


French humor is an inherently dicey proposition. [CineSchlockers are encouraged to insert their own snarky Jerry Lewis quip.] But shoot ’em up maestros Jean Reno and Luc Besson sucker-punch the national stereotype whilst successfully mining familiar territory for some wry yucks that stray easily into slapstick. Hubert (Reno) is of the Parisian "Dirty Harry" school […]

The Wasp Woman

Janice Starlin is the aging cover girl and president of a cosmetics company who illustrates the extent some gals will go for vanity. Susan Cabot plays Starlin who enlists the aid of a mad scientist who promises to make a miracle age-reversing salve out of insect squeezings. The actress wears glasses and bad makeup to […]

Watermelon’s Baked & Baking

Turns out there’s more to marijuana cuisine than brownies. Who knew? Why, High Times covergirl/comic/nudist/gingersnap trafficker Watermelon that’s WHO! And she’s slinked herself into a ravishing red ensemble just to ensure we’re all paying attention. Mighty appreciated! Hardly necessary. Her vaudeville-friendly cooking show is sublimely delish with a wry wit that favors kitsch over time-honored […]

Weird Science

Of all the promises of the ’80s techno revolution, none is more disappointing than the inability, all these years later, to summon a panting, scantily clad Kelly LeBrock within a half dozen keystrokes of any personal computer. Darn you, John Hughes! Until that day manifests, one that’ll end all traditional romance, we’ll just have to […]

Weasels Rip My Flesh

Serious gorehounds can, at long last, retire their ragged VHS dupes of Long Island auteur Nathan Schiff‘s grew-strewn sub-sub-sub-cult classicks. Lovingly remastered from original 8mm elements, these seductively titled, yet primitive and gleefully grotesque exercises in backyard filmmaking are an acquired taste. Weasels Rip My Flesh (1979) begins the trio with a ’50s-style tale of […]

Where the Buffalo Roam

How could I resist? Bill Murray as Dr. Hunter S. Thompson. Come on, that’s absurd, right? Well, Bill wasn’t half bad in Where the Buffalo Roam (1980, 99 minutes). But 20 years later, it’s impossible not to compare his to Johnny Depp‘s astounding performance in Terry Gilliam‘s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. While Murray […]

Wild Things 2

Here’s a sequel for those yayhoos who invested themselves in the PLOT the first go around. Let’s see, that’s … one … two … THREE people. Five TOPS if ya throw in the writer and director. But mainly we’re talkin’ Denise Richards, Neve Campbell and Matt Dillon. The thespianic trio who somehow rationalized themselves into, […]