Reviews

Terror Tract

Terror TractHouse hunting is never an easy, or even pleasant task.

But real estate agent Bob Carter (John Ritter) seems like the happiest guy ever. He drives a Mercedes, wears a gold watch and beams with enthusiasm as he shows a selection of homes to the Doyles (Allison Smith and David DeLuise, yep, Dom’s boy.) They LOVE the first house, but Bob winces as he must tell the hopeful young couple an itsy bitsy fact about the property’s history — its previous residents are, well, DEAD.

Thus begins three separate vignettes as the Doyles are shown different homes.

First is "Nightmare," the somewhat trite story of a cheating wife who’s caught in the throws with her part-time stud by her fulltime, shotgun wielding husband. Pretty typical stuff, until someone winds up dead, but doesn’t quite stay that way.

Second is "Bobo," a beautifully twisted tale of a father, his daughter and the homicidal monkey who comes between them — and worse. As the manic papa is Bryan Cranston who is equally subtle as the dad on "Malcolm In The Middle."

Third is "Come to Granny," which has to be one of the creepiest taunts ever uttered by a screen slasher. This killer dismembers his victims while wearing a geriatric Halloween mask. The twist here is that a kid sees flashes of the killings during herky-jerky psychic fits, like the one that prevented him from scoring with Meadow Soprano (Shonda Farr) during a moon-lit dip.

It’s after this chapter that the Doyles decide that MAYBE this neighborhood really isn’t for them — which is precisely when Mr. Ritter steals the whole movie.

Notables: No breasts. 15 corpses. Scissors to the back. Bobbing for corpses. Scalding coffee. One dead dog. Rubber monkey attack. Soap dropping. Puking. Gratuitous Stephen Hawking reference. Wild driving. Cat mowing. Neck slashing.

Quotables: Pop should trust his gut about Bobo, "There’s something about it. It sounds stupid, but I almost feel like it’s — I don’t know — E-V-I-L!" Being a real estate agent in this neighborhood isn’t easy, "If you want something THIS nice, you’re going to have to take something with a little history."

Time codes: The circle of life (:15). Bobo goes to jail (51:05). Bob Carter REALLY needs to close this deal (1:30:40).

Final thought: A welcome surprise in the best tradition episodic horror.