Critical Mass 2

The crush of schlocky goodness arriving at CineSchlock-O-Rama HQ has long since outpaced yours truly’s ability to trumpet it all, so here’s a scattershot means to highlight titles that particularly pique MY interest …

Ousted "Cheaters" host and CineSchlocker idol Tommy Habeeb (a.k.a. Tommy Grand) appears poised for a stripper-slathered return to reality TV with Stag: Last Night of Freedom. His half-hour pilot salaciously birddogs Randy and April as they gingerly navigate nefarious rites of passage toward wedded bliss — with some eye-popping detours. Tommy says it best: "I don’t believe I’ll ever be able to look at whip cream the same way again!"

Retro-Seduction Cinema’s outdone itself with a two-disc hurrah for The Seduction of Inga — erotica auteur Joe Sarno‘s saucy sequel to the Marie Liljedahl classic. The set even boasts a fresh documentary headlined by the former ingenue herself and a far fleshier "grindhouse" cut! Such a savvy preamble to Mr. Sarno’s long-awaited return with Lust For Laura!

Who’s the sure-fire savior of the ’80s slasher in its waning years? Leif Garrett!!! OK, well, casting the former pop heartthrob must’ve sounded pretty swift at the time. Thankfully, CineSchlockers will find plenty of nubile distractions at Cheerleader Camp, which is also known as Bloody Pom Poms, a more apt title given the killer’s sis-boom-bah MO.

How ’bout a sapphic slasher made by lesbians for lesbians? It’s about goldang time! Make a Wish ogles the murderous misadventures of a birthday grrl and her conspicuously non-coed camping companions in the wilds of Texas. (Sorry, no chainsaws!) But despite its micro-budget moxie, the flick’s sadly snakebit by crummy kills and coy canoodling.

What the girls and yours truly can surely rally around is Angelina Jolie‘s oh-so tasty turn as troubled supermodel Gia. HBO’s finally, finally, finally dusted off the Unrated version that fully fleshes out the biopic’s lesbian themes. No word if any of THAT footage contributed to her Golden Globe win! For those keeping score: This marks Ms. Jolie’s THIRD uncut release.

Just when you thought every critter worth a creature feature had its day ages ago! Behold the hungry, hungry horror of Frankenfish!!! No kin to ol’ bolt neck, just a hilariously stone-faced exaggeration of real life "snakefish" fears fashioned into a flick where anyone or any fish can become swamp squeezings at any moment. Let’s hope that juicy sequel-bait ending pays off!

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